Most people don’t know but over a decade ago I used to be a contributor to a small website called Elite Daily, which later grew so large it became one of the most visited websites on the internet. Despite me leaving long before they blew up, one of my articles, Confessions of a Former Womanizer: Why I Retired from the Game, got a lot of attention from readers and resulted in several emails from men and women around the world asking me for help with their relationships.
Due to Elite’s continued popularity, I still receive such emails today, 12 years later. Because of this, I decided it would be important to include it in my book, instead of it floating around on the internet, making a few small changes to it. Because it helped both men and women understand the ego-driven cycle of womanizing, I decided it would also be best to share it with you here as well.
So here it is, directly from my new book, found in Section XXI, entry 5:
We all at some point in our lives have read magazines, seen movies, or read books about the game of seduction. Some people have gone to great lengths in order to learn and use such knowledge to manipulate people into sex. Men and women are guilty of this, whether they’re educated on the fundamentals of courtship or not.
Being I didn’t have an older brother to “show me the ropes,” and my father didn’t really tell me anything about women, I didn’t understand them. While my high school friends were hooking up with girls in our grade, I was insecure, shy, and way too nice. It took me until senior year to lose my virginity, whereas many of my guy friends had lost theirs years before.
In my early 20s, I took it upon myself to learn the ways of the modern Casanovas. I read a bunch of books and watched many videos on the topic of courtship, which gave me very powerful knowledge that “pickup artists” had developed into a science over the last several decades. It transformed me into a totally different type of man. But what kind of man did I actually end up becoming?
At first, I was shocked how simple it was to speak to women and seduce them once you adopted the correct mindset and knew which steps to take in any situation. Most men have such a big ego they’re too afraid to approach a woman because of the fear of rejection, so they don’t even try. Or they get so drunk trying to build the courage to, that when they finally do approach a woman, all that comes out is a bunch of gibberish or creepy things that turns them off, ruining their chances completely. Such types who don’t understand how to talk to women become extremely frustrated and start resenting them. The truth is, the majority of men are completely clueless because they don’t know how the game really works.
Through years of study and application, I became sort of an expert in this field and started to teach my close friends what I had learned. Some of them used what I taught them to meet the exact woman they wanted and are now happily married. I realized this knowledge, if used for good, can give people the ability to be with the person they want, rather than “settling for less.” But with any knowledge, there’s always a dark side to it.
My newfound ability quickly became an ego-driven endeavor that transformed me into a womanizer. The more successful I got with women, the more I wanted more women. They became objects to me that only served one role in my life: sex. That a man would admit such things might be unexpected, but I have no problem using my past to teach someone a new lesson today.
However, my womanizing days were put on hold when I began to exclusively date a bartender who I fell in love with. Unfortunately, my socalled love was actually ego-driven lust, and I later learned this the hard way. After three years of hell, I finally broke up with her and told myself I wouldn’t get involved in a committed relationship again. I decided it was time to go back to play the field, and I sure did. I acquired such a large number of women in my “rotation” there weren’t enough days in the week to spend time with them all. Most men dream of such a thing, but this is commonplace with the small percentage of men who know how this game works. By my late 20s, I was racking up numbers most men don’t achieve in their lifetimes.
One day I looked at myself in the mirror, reflecting on the life I had been living, and realized I was stuck in a vicious cycle of mindless, sexual conquest with no real meaning. I started to think of all the women I hurt, all the times I got hurt when my game backfired, and how draining this lifestyle was. I was allowing these women to stay in my life even though I knew deep down there was no future with them. The time spent going out, the money, the energy invested in maintaining all my girls, and the headaches that would come when my priorities became too much for me to juggle, all started to take their toll.
It was at the peak of my womanizing when I finally realized I wasn’t a man at all, but rather, a small boy trying to prove how much of a man he was by acting on desires to conquer women like a king expanding his empire across the globe. It was at this moment when my life changed once again, but this time for the better.
Being a man isn’t about how many women you sleep with or how cool you think you are when you sleep with a hot girl and then brag about the deed to your friends, or about how much money you have, or any materialistic measure of success for that matter. Being a man is all about being a provider, protector, and leader of people.
How was I providing, protecting, or leading any of these women, other than into my bedroom to have sex and then out the door? How was I doing any good when most of these “conquests” eventually became strangers or enemies and were no longer a part of my life, always leaving one of us hurt in the process? Was I any different than a drug addict chasing the next high?
Another thing you’ll realize while being a womanizer is your guy friends will probably be just like you. And if they have made women their No. 1 priority, you’ll be surrounded by backstabbing, deceptive, secretly envious, insecure, fake men who’ll always be trying to one-up you in some way, whether it’s intentional or not.
I had come to find some of my closest “friends” were so envious and jealous, they’d conspire against me when it was for the attention of certain women. People like this are so desperate to conquer the next girl, they’ll do anything to win, even if it means crossing you in the process. They have no boundaries, no honor, and they’re only looking out for themselves. They’re only your friend when it suits their agenda, and quick to be your enemy when they find out a certain girl likes you instead of them. I know it sounds like a soap opera, but this is how fake men actually operate when they’re obsessed with winning.
When I finally broke from this addicting cycle of womanizing, I started to devote my energy to other aspects of my life. Going out and meeting girls was no longer important at all; in fact, I stopped caring completely. Ironically, that drew more quality women into my life and filtered out all the needy, insecure, unstable women I no longer wanted to deal with anyway.
You may be wondering why I have chosen to share this phase of my life with you. Well for one, I’m not ashamed of growing up, and two, what better source is there to help other men get out of this vicious ego-driven cycle than someone who was actually a womanizer?
If you’re a womanizer, the Universe is going to set you up with a nice man-eater or with a head-case who’s going to drive you insane. Sure, you may occasionally snag a good girl into one of your traps, but it won’t work forever. And when you’re exposed, not only did you just hurt someone, your ego will get crushed as a result when this girl moves on and finds a real man.
You must realize it takes too much energy trying to maintain meaningless, superficial relationships just for a five-second orgasm and to appease your childish ego. Instead of being a mindless sexual zombie thinking with your other head, wake up and notice what you’re doing. Notice you’re in a vicious cycle of sexual addiction, and until you get out of that, you aren’t going to meet anyone worth your while. Being a womanizer is fake, it hurts people, and devalues you as a man.
If you want to be a real man, tame your ego and end this vicious cycle. Practice a 100% honesty policy, build real relationships, and start enjoying a healthier, more fulfilling love life. And one day you may meet the right woman, have a stable and healthy relationship, and eventually have your own family with her.”
Today happens to be me and my wife’s 5th anniversary; we got married in 2015 so I took me about three years to implement my own advice and settle down instead of being a bachelor chasing women forever. Almost everything I write about, is actually me writing to myself, so people know my work comes from a genuine place and from direct experience.
I share this post with all of so you can help yourself or anyone you know that is stuck in this cycle or are stuck with a womanizer, to help them break free from this ego-driven trap, and find their true selves or someone better suited for them.